I used to be careless

and prideful

and a lot less alive.

I had lost my sense of humor.

So I sought to get it back through drugs and alcohol.

Something happened to me the other night.

I was reading scripture in Isaiah.

He was shown the glory of God and purged of all iniquity.

I thought in my heart that I wanted to experience the same thing but I kept on reading.

A few moments later as I was reading I began to break down crying.

I mean I was literally shaking and I said in my heart, 'I am not worthy of you... you are perfect and without sin. There is no evil in you. How could you love me?'

....

At first I didn't realize what was coming over me but then it occurred to me that He had answered my request; He was showing me what He had shown Isaiah. I fell face down and there are hardly words to explain what happened but I'm going to try...

I heard Him say, 'You are worthy. I love you. I have always loved you.'

I was shown a vision of Him carrying me and I saw the angels and all the earth bow down to Him. And I saw for the first time the truth of His sovereignty. And that He is our protector. And that we belong to Him. He is our king. No evil could EVER befall Him. No one or nothing could ever come against Him, and in His arms we are safe. And as I began to surrender to Him I saw that if we would just trust in Him the fear and power of evil would be non existent because the demons tremble at His name: literally. He is power. He is magnificent. Beyond anything I've ever seen or experienced in my life. The euphoria of being in His presence is beyond words...

It was then that I realized why so many people are taken to drugs and alcohol and such. They are ALL searching for that high that can only be experienced in Him because we were ALL created for Him and thus "predestined" to feel that euphoria with Him therefore we are all seeking it out. But we are accepting Satan's counterfeits instead. Drugs and sin are just Satan's counterfeit for what we were meant to experience with God in Eden/paradise.

And the euphoria of His glory is one hundred times better than that of a counterfeit. It could never compare to the original. Our soul desires God and His love. We may try to seek it out through idolatry or other harmful things yet there is none like Him. There is nothing or no one that can take His place. We are not unworthy. We are His. and He loves us. He wants to reunite with us. He misses us. He longs for us. He needs us just as much as we need Him.

A family member gave this to me. I dont know who wrote it.

But I've always loved it:

I asked God to take away my pride and...

He said it was not for Him to take away but for me to give up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole and...

He said her spirit is already whole; her body is immaterial.

I asked God to give me patience and...

He said that patience is a by-product of tribulation; it isn't given, it's earned.

I asked God to give me happiness and...

He said He gives blessings; happiness is up to me to accept.

I asked God to spare me pain and...

He said, "Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me."

I asked God to make my spirit grow and...

He said I must grow on my own, but He will prune me and make me fruitful.

I asked God if He loved me and...

He said, "Yes, I gave my only son for you, and you will be in Heaven because you believe."

I asked God to help me love others as much as He loves me and...

He said, "Ah, you finally get the idea."