I’ve recently decided I want nothing to do with my father. I don’t know why I ever loved him after he grounded me that one time I ran off to a party in the middle of the night when I was fourteen. Or when he practically shoved soap down my throat when I cussed him. I really shouldn’t have forgave him for any of it. It was cruel and heartless of him. My friend’s father was a lot better. He let her do whatever she wanted. She never had to suffer at her fathers hands. He must have loved her a lot more than my dad loved me. She could stay out at parties all night if she wanted and she never got in trouble. Except when she got older. And she went to jail.

I remember thinking she was a little reckless though. And even though I liked her father more than mine she seemed to like my father more than hers. I remember she used to give him this look when he was reprimanding us.. but it wasn’t an angry look. But more a look of adoration. And she would tell me I was fortunate to have such a caring father.

Ive been asking God to help me to reprimand my daughter in the right way.. the way my father did me. Because it’s hard raising her alone. And I've been punishing her more since I asked him that. I had a hard time doing it cause she would get upset and accuse me of not loving her when I did.

But I realized it was selfish of me to not punish her as often just because she thought it meant I was cruel and didn’t love her. I'd rather her think that and be protected from the bad choices she would have made than allow her to fall victim to them just to keep her from getting upset with me. She may not understand why she has to suffer at my hand now.. but she will thank me later when she realizes I only did it to protect her.

We suffer when we choose evil to make us understand that choosing evil will only hurt us.

If one is not suffering from the evil they choose then they have a father that doesn’t reprimand them.. which would mean he doesn’t care.. but we all suffer when we choose evil.
So we have a father that cares.

But why did my daughter have to be created with the ability to make a choice that would hurt her? Why couldn’t I create her with no such choice? I created her with the ability to make her own decisions regardless of what she chooses. I wish I could force her to love/respect me and never get upset with me. Why wasn’t she created as a robot that could only do what I commanded her to do? I sometimes wish she were because I would always know that she was protected and making the right decisions..
I could force her to make only the decisions that were best for her.

Only then she would no longer exist.. she would be a robot.
She would lack the ability to make her own decisions.
On second thought I wouldn’t want that.
I would miss her and Id never know if she really loved me or not

or if she loved me because she had no other choice.

This is what happens. I know cause I've been there. We blame God for what we experience as a result of choosing evil. He lessens the severity of such repercussions (usually without us even asking him to). So we turn around and choose evil a few more times. Same effects happen until we figure out it’s probably a good idea to listen to our father instead of Satan. Because he loves us and knows best.
So eventually we choose Him (good) over Satan (evil).
And then we don’t seem to have as many problems.

It goes like this... father, why did you let me go to jail for a dui?
I can’t believe you would let this happen to me!? Don’t you care about me? And what about all the times I got cheated on? Why did you allow them to do that to me?
Nevermind that I knew better than to drink a whole fifth of vodka and drive... and forget that I was supposed to get married before I became intimate with a guy.
I don’t feel like I should have to do what you ask me to do.
But WHY would YOU let this happen???

Now suppose that I do a little more wrong than that even?
Say I listen to Satan when he tells me to HATE my mother because she spends more time as a kindergarten teacher at work..
Suppose I listen when he tells me that if I were to murder them it would make me feel better. Is that God's fault that I listened to Satan?
What about the vague drown out thoughts from my conscience/God that were saying, No. You shouldn’t murder them. That would be wrong. You would never forgive yourself...
I didn’t listen to them and what happened? I never forgave myself.

Guess I forgot that verse that says thou shall not murder.
But I’m going to blame God for it because I didn’t listen.